EMAIL PET PEEVES (First 15)
Readers Respond: What Email Etiquette Hint Do You Wish Others Would Follow?
Responses: 150
By Heinz Tschabitscher , About.com Guide
Tons of addresses in the To: line; no greeting, or words aplenty until the sender gets to the point; forwarded messages that consist of nothing but, well, whatever that is...
What irks you most about email etiquette not followed, or followed too much perhaps?
What email etiquette hint do you most wish others would follow? Share Your Pet Peeve
Bcc
I don't bother to read emails with too many "To:" and Cc:" recipients. This list should include instructions to use "Bcc:" when emailing more than five people, except when it's important for each recipient to know who was sen the message, in which case sometimes making a group of recipients named "Donut Morons" or something will help because only the group name will be in the "To:" or "Cc:" field instead of dozens of recipients. It's occurred to me before that it's important for everyone to have everyone else's email address in an organization without a global address book, but this can be done with a single email for that purpose only every time the list ("Donut Morons") is updated.
—GuestBobtholomew
Too many Questions Marks
When someone ends a question with more than one question mark. Rude!
—GuestDoris Foley
An entire message in the subject line!
Are you kidding me? This is the WORST thing anyone could do! Writing everything in the bloody subject line, leaving the body of the email blank! This not just irks and irritates me, but angers me beyond my limit! Those who don't know how to email should bloody keep their thick heads out of it and stick to pen and paper. Shame on you!
—GuestSam Wise
Responding appropriately
Some of us are the recipients of e-mails from someone with "Reply All-itis". Too, too much information and information being sent is neither helpful nor pertinent to all of us. How do we make it stop?!
—GuestDiane
Receipt Request
My biggest peeve is when certain individuals have a receipt request on every email sent. They feel as if you are infringing on their constitutional rights if you ask them to use it on a needed basis and not as a default.
—GuestGerry - Federal Employee
Salutation on Emails
When you are sending email to co-workers you see every day, I feel a salutation is NOT needed. Everyone I work with writes "Greetings Pat" or "Dear Pat". That is not necessary when forwarding or sending new email to people you know. It's too formal!
—maggie1957
Stationery In The Workplace
Do not use stationery in the workplace. This takes up additional space on the email, is hard to read through, and the cute little foot prints, flowers, designs… have no place in the workplace. Save it for your personal email with friends and family.
—GuestGuest Z08
Political, religious and/or sexual email
People (may even be a spouse) sending me political, religious and/or sexual emails, i.e. forwards, photos, etc. that are not appropriate, and especially if I have written and requested that they stop.
—Guestcager38
What can I do?
A coworker of mine uses email as instant messenger, replies to old emails with a new subject (but does not change the subject line) and often injects comments about her personal life to work emails.
—GuestLostInFL
Greetings and/or sign-offs
Isn't the address and return in the heading enough to know who the recipient and sender are? Why duplicate things?
—rquacke
BCC Si!
And yet another vote for using BCC when you forward things. I don't know everyone in your address book, they don't know me, and I don't necessarily want them to have my email address. Not to mention that if anyone receiving that CC'd email picks up a virus, you've just compromised every single email address on that CC.
—GuestAmy
Privacy!
Don't give out other people's personal email addresses without asking. Ever.
—GuestAmy
Hoax and Jokes
I hate emails about the crazy man trying to harm you and stupid jokes.
—GuestCAR
Emails that disturb and annoy
1) Rude or poor language—even in official mails in corporate—esp many now using SMS type text and often have lost all courtesy. 2) Junk Fwds—sent esp fear to psyche on health matters and fake data. Overall I find about 20% are junk mails inc gross humor fwds
—GuestCaptTRajkumar
Did you pass English?
[One of my pet peeves is] continuous rambling without punctuation. Please read your emails before you send! I also send one question per email; most people don't respond to more than one at a time.
MY THOUGHTS
Recognize any?
Monday, June 6, 2011
Saturday, February 12, 2011
KINDNESS OF STRANGERS
The Kindness of Strangers
Thursday February 3, 2011
Categories: Good Deeds
"Whoever you are, I have always depended on the kindness of strangers." - Blanche DuBois from A Streetcar Named Desire
When was the last time someone did something unexpectedly nice for you? Not someone you knew, but a total stranger? All this talk about compassion and the golden rule got me thinking about the kindness of strangers. It's happened to me a few times, but two instances really stand out.
A few years ago, I was dining out with a person who kept going on and on about himself, completely oblivious to the fact that I was sitting there in misery. It wasn't his company that bummed me out. I was recovering from a broken heart, and just sitting down to dinner reminded me of my last relationship. I could have collapsed in tears right there at the table.
When we picked up the check, the waitress said, "Your meal was already paid for." My friend and I didn't have a clue how it happened. Then I remembered a man coming in out of the corner of my eye. He was dressed in mostly white, sat down at the bar, had a shot of gin, stayed for maybe ten minutes, then left. The waitress said, "Yes, the gentleman who was in here a while ago paid for you." True story. It felt like a little nudge from God saying, "I see you, honey. It's gonna be okay."
Just last year, I was running a half-marathon. With just .1 miles to go, I was out of gas. Runners call it "hitting the wall"; I thought I couldn't move another muscle. Out of nowhere, a teenager jogs up next to me and says, "What's your name, sweetie? Jennifer? Okay, Jennifer, let's go! Come on! It's just around the corner! You can do it!" And he ran with me until I picked up my pace. I found him at the finish line to thank him for the encouragement only to learn he wasn't even supposed to be in the race that day. He was running in place of someone else.
I still shake my head when I think of these momentary angels that came to me at my point of need. Do you have any experiences like this? A random act of kindness by a stranger? Share your story.
MY THOUGHTS
got your own story to tell? it certainly feels good when some stranger shows you kindness. but it feels even better when you're that stranger being kind to another human being you don't know. picking-up the cheque might be too much. but we don't need a list of how-to-be-kind. just look around, feel around and rise up to the occasion.
Thursday February 3, 2011
Categories: Good Deeds
"Whoever you are, I have always depended on the kindness of strangers." - Blanche DuBois from A Streetcar Named Desire
When was the last time someone did something unexpectedly nice for you? Not someone you knew, but a total stranger? All this talk about compassion and the golden rule got me thinking about the kindness of strangers. It's happened to me a few times, but two instances really stand out.
A few years ago, I was dining out with a person who kept going on and on about himself, completely oblivious to the fact that I was sitting there in misery. It wasn't his company that bummed me out. I was recovering from a broken heart, and just sitting down to dinner reminded me of my last relationship. I could have collapsed in tears right there at the table.
When we picked up the check, the waitress said, "Your meal was already paid for." My friend and I didn't have a clue how it happened. Then I remembered a man coming in out of the corner of my eye. He was dressed in mostly white, sat down at the bar, had a shot of gin, stayed for maybe ten minutes, then left. The waitress said, "Yes, the gentleman who was in here a while ago paid for you." True story. It felt like a little nudge from God saying, "I see you, honey. It's gonna be okay."
Just last year, I was running a half-marathon. With just .1 miles to go, I was out of gas. Runners call it "hitting the wall"; I thought I couldn't move another muscle. Out of nowhere, a teenager jogs up next to me and says, "What's your name, sweetie? Jennifer? Okay, Jennifer, let's go! Come on! It's just around the corner! You can do it!" And he ran with me until I picked up my pace. I found him at the finish line to thank him for the encouragement only to learn he wasn't even supposed to be in the race that day. He was running in place of someone else.
I still shake my head when I think of these momentary angels that came to me at my point of need. Do you have any experiences like this? A random act of kindness by a stranger? Share your story.
MY THOUGHTS
got your own story to tell? it certainly feels good when some stranger shows you kindness. but it feels even better when you're that stranger being kind to another human being you don't know. picking-up the cheque might be too much. but we don't need a list of how-to-be-kind. just look around, feel around and rise up to the occasion.
Thursday, January 13, 2011
important email rules
Top 26 Most Important Rules of Email Etiquette
By Heinz Tschabitscher, About.com Guide
The rules of email etiquette are not "rules" in the sense that I will come after you if you don't follow them. They are guidelines that help avoid mistakes (like offending someone when you don't mean to) and misunderstandings (like being offended when you're not meant to). These core rules of email etiquette help us communicate better via email.
1. Take Another Look Before You Send a Message - Don't send anything you don't want to send.
2. Do Not Default to "Reply All" - "Reply" is good. "Reply to All" is better. Right?
3. Keep Emails Short - Do not intimidate recipients with too much text.
4. Properly Format Your Email Replies, and Be Lazy - Do you think quoting original text in your email replies perfectly is a lot of work? Don't let the '>' intimidate you!
5. Write Perfect Subject Lines - Do you make these mistakes in your email subjects? (The key to getting your messages read is not to be clever.)
6. Clean Up Emails Before Forwarding Them - Forwarding emails is a great way of sharing ideas, but make sure the original idea is not hidden in obfuscation.
7. When in Doubt, Send Plain Text Email, Not HTML - Not everybody can receive your fancily formatted emails. Some may even react furious. To be safe rather than sorry, send plain text emails only when in doubt.
8. Don't Forward Hoaxes - Email hoaxes often contain stories that are intriguing, and sure to irritate. Here's how to spot and stop urban legends.
9. Use Current Antivirus Software, Keep it Up to Date, Scan for Free
Make sure you're not spreading worms and viruses via email or act as a vehicle for spreading spam. All this can be caused by malicious emails. Fortunately, there's protection.
10. Say Why You Think What You Forward Will Interest the Recipient
More and better communication makes better relationships.
11. Do Let People Know Their Mail Has Been Received - Did the spam filter eat my message? Spare others this nagging question and let them know you got their email.
12. Ask Before You Send Huge Attachments - Don't clog email systems without permission.
13. Talk About One Subject per Email Message Only - Help make the world less confusing. Try to talk about one subject per message only. For another subject, start a new email.
14. Punctuation Matters; in Emails Too - Comma, colon, hyphen and semicolon — all exist for a reason: they make it easier to understand the intended meaning of a sentence. Don't make life more difficult and possibly less interesting for the recipients of your emails. Pay some — though not too pedantically much — attention to punctuation.
15. Use Acronyms Sparingly - DYK? Not everybody knows every acronym, and they don't save that much time anyway.
16. Resize Pictures to Handy Proportions Before Inserting Them in Emails
When your photos look good in your email, you look good, too!
17. Writing in All Caps is Like Shouting - Don't shout in your emails (and all caps is so difficult to read).
18. Be Careful with Irony in Emails - No, really! I mean it. Honestly!
19. Catch Typos by Printing Your Emails - You can often find typos or misplaced commas neither your spell checker nor you yourself catch when proofreading on the screen.
20. How to Avoid Embarrassing Emails - Avoid embarrassing emails by sending them to yourself only (by default).
21. Set Your System Clock Right - Make sure you don't send messages from 1981.
22. In Doubt, End Emails with "Thanks" - If you don't know how to say good-bye at the end of an email, there's one thing that will almost always be appropriate. Thanks.
23. Where to Put Your Signature - Without a line sub-scripted "sign here", how do you decide where to place your email signature?
24. Wondering "How to Put That in Writing", Write "That" -
Tell it like it is. Have you noticed how people who you understand perfectly well when you listen to them become cryptic when they start writing?
25. Why You Should Compress Files Before Sending Them via Email -
Smaller is more beautiful, at least when it comes to email attachments. So make files smaller before your send them via email.
26. Avoid "Me Too" Messages -
"Me too" is not enough content, but too much annoyance.
MY THOUGHTS
some of the tips here i do not understand.some, in my opinion, are too much. why not a "me, too" if that's what you mean and that's the only message you want to convey? i'd like to subscribe to cleaning mails before forwarding. i just hate scrolling and scrolling and scrolling down thousands of email addresses before getting to the message. and guess what, i never thought it necessary to ask permission first before sending a large file. i would certainly appreciate that.
By Heinz Tschabitscher, About.com Guide
The rules of email etiquette are not "rules" in the sense that I will come after you if you don't follow them. They are guidelines that help avoid mistakes (like offending someone when you don't mean to) and misunderstandings (like being offended when you're not meant to). These core rules of email etiquette help us communicate better via email.
1. Take Another Look Before You Send a Message - Don't send anything you don't want to send.
2. Do Not Default to "Reply All" - "Reply" is good. "Reply to All" is better. Right?
3. Keep Emails Short - Do not intimidate recipients with too much text.
4. Properly Format Your Email Replies, and Be Lazy - Do you think quoting original text in your email replies perfectly is a lot of work? Don't let the '>' intimidate you!
5. Write Perfect Subject Lines - Do you make these mistakes in your email subjects? (The key to getting your messages read is not to be clever.)
6. Clean Up Emails Before Forwarding Them - Forwarding emails is a great way of sharing ideas, but make sure the original idea is not hidden in obfuscation.
7. When in Doubt, Send Plain Text Email, Not HTML - Not everybody can receive your fancily formatted emails. Some may even react furious. To be safe rather than sorry, send plain text emails only when in doubt.
8. Don't Forward Hoaxes - Email hoaxes often contain stories that are intriguing, and sure to irritate. Here's how to spot and stop urban legends.
9. Use Current Antivirus Software, Keep it Up to Date, Scan for Free
Make sure you're not spreading worms and viruses via email or act as a vehicle for spreading spam. All this can be caused by malicious emails. Fortunately, there's protection.
10. Say Why You Think What You Forward Will Interest the Recipient
More and better communication makes better relationships.
11. Do Let People Know Their Mail Has Been Received - Did the spam filter eat my message? Spare others this nagging question and let them know you got their email.
12. Ask Before You Send Huge Attachments - Don't clog email systems without permission.
13. Talk About One Subject per Email Message Only - Help make the world less confusing. Try to talk about one subject per message only. For another subject, start a new email.
14. Punctuation Matters; in Emails Too - Comma, colon, hyphen and semicolon — all exist for a reason: they make it easier to understand the intended meaning of a sentence. Don't make life more difficult and possibly less interesting for the recipients of your emails. Pay some — though not too pedantically much — attention to punctuation.
15. Use Acronyms Sparingly - DYK? Not everybody knows every acronym, and they don't save that much time anyway.
16. Resize Pictures to Handy Proportions Before Inserting Them in Emails
When your photos look good in your email, you look good, too!
17. Writing in All Caps is Like Shouting - Don't shout in your emails (and all caps is so difficult to read).
18. Be Careful with Irony in Emails - No, really! I mean it. Honestly!
19. Catch Typos by Printing Your Emails - You can often find typos or misplaced commas neither your spell checker nor you yourself catch when proofreading on the screen.
20. How to Avoid Embarrassing Emails - Avoid embarrassing emails by sending them to yourself only (by default).
21. Set Your System Clock Right - Make sure you don't send messages from 1981.
22. In Doubt, End Emails with "Thanks" - If you don't know how to say good-bye at the end of an email, there's one thing that will almost always be appropriate. Thanks.
23. Where to Put Your Signature - Without a line sub-scripted "sign here", how do you decide where to place your email signature?
24. Wondering "How to Put That in Writing", Write "That" -
Tell it like it is. Have you noticed how people who you understand perfectly well when you listen to them become cryptic when they start writing?
25. Why You Should Compress Files Before Sending Them via Email -
Smaller is more beautiful, at least when it comes to email attachments. So make files smaller before your send them via email.
26. Avoid "Me Too" Messages -
"Me too" is not enough content, but too much annoyance.
MY THOUGHTS
some of the tips here i do not understand.some, in my opinion, are too much. why not a "me, too" if that's what you mean and that's the only message you want to convey? i'd like to subscribe to cleaning mails before forwarding. i just hate scrolling and scrolling and scrolling down thousands of email addresses before getting to the message. and guess what, i never thought it necessary to ask permission first before sending a large file. i would certainly appreciate that.
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Etiquette 101:How to deliver bad news
ASK THE EXPERT | HOW TO DELIVER BAD NEWS
Wednesday, 20th October 2010
KAY-YUT CHEN AND MARINA KRAKOVSKY
http://www.cityam.com/city-focus/ask-the-expert-how-deliver-bad-news
LUCKILY for most of us, we don’t have to announce anything as difficult as cuts in the welfare budget, unlike George Osborne, who outlined his comprehensive spending review yesterday. Yet at some point in their careers all managers have to deliver bad news. So when you do, what’s the best way?
For starters, explain, explain, explain. Decades of research in psychology and behavioural economics point to the importance of providing explanations for your actions. Whether you’re making an unfair offer, playing uncooperatively in a Prisoner’s Dilemma game, or announcing a layoff, explaining why you're doing what you’re doing and showing that you mean well typically softens the blow. In the absence of explanations, people have a tendency to assume the worst of intentions for your behaviour. And though it seems to the more rational-minded among us that the only pertinent information is the objective outcome – such as pounds lost or saved – to most people what is in your heart and mind matters quite a bit.
Second, focus on the most pertinent comparisons. Human nature means that bad news makes for good copy, and dire rumors spread faster than good tidings. It’s not surprising, then, that listeners tend to focus on the most dramatic aspects of a situation rather than the most level-headed.
Thirdly, make sure that you are framing your news in the best way for you. Give statistics, background and information to back up why you are doing what you are. There are many ways to spin a situation, so make sure that your justifications are clear and well backed-up with facts and figures. Then you are more likely to bring people with you.
Finally, be decisive. Though some people thrill to uncertain prospects, most loathe uncertainty. Part of the danger in delivering bad news is that it will be seen as a sign of more trouble to come. So if the news you’re delivering is the worst of it, say so.
Kay-Yut Chen and Marina Krakovsky are the authors of Secrets of the Moneylab: How Understanding People Will Increase Your Profits (Portfolio Penguin)
MY THOUGHTS
i will never like being the bearer of bad news. what's more difficult is what comes after you deliver the bad news. you're able to somehow plan what to say about the news. but you can never tell how the person would react.
Wednesday, 20th October 2010
KAY-YUT CHEN AND MARINA KRAKOVSKY
http://www.cityam.com/city-focus/ask-the-expert-how-deliver-bad-news
LUCKILY for most of us, we don’t have to announce anything as difficult as cuts in the welfare budget, unlike George Osborne, who outlined his comprehensive spending review yesterday. Yet at some point in their careers all managers have to deliver bad news. So when you do, what’s the best way?
For starters, explain, explain, explain. Decades of research in psychology and behavioural economics point to the importance of providing explanations for your actions. Whether you’re making an unfair offer, playing uncooperatively in a Prisoner’s Dilemma game, or announcing a layoff, explaining why you're doing what you’re doing and showing that you mean well typically softens the blow. In the absence of explanations, people have a tendency to assume the worst of intentions for your behaviour. And though it seems to the more rational-minded among us that the only pertinent information is the objective outcome – such as pounds lost or saved – to most people what is in your heart and mind matters quite a bit.
Second, focus on the most pertinent comparisons. Human nature means that bad news makes for good copy, and dire rumors spread faster than good tidings. It’s not surprising, then, that listeners tend to focus on the most dramatic aspects of a situation rather than the most level-headed.
Thirdly, make sure that you are framing your news in the best way for you. Give statistics, background and information to back up why you are doing what you are. There are many ways to spin a situation, so make sure that your justifications are clear and well backed-up with facts and figures. Then you are more likely to bring people with you.
Finally, be decisive. Though some people thrill to uncertain prospects, most loathe uncertainty. Part of the danger in delivering bad news is that it will be seen as a sign of more trouble to come. So if the news you’re delivering is the worst of it, say so.
Kay-Yut Chen and Marina Krakovsky are the authors of Secrets of the Moneylab: How Understanding People Will Increase Your Profits (Portfolio Penguin)
MY THOUGHTS
i will never like being the bearer of bad news. what's more difficult is what comes after you deliver the bad news. you're able to somehow plan what to say about the news. but you can never tell how the person would react.
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Etiquette 101: What NOT to talk about in Asia and the Pacific
Etiquette 101: Smart Talk
by Boris Kachka | Published November 2009 | See more Condé Nast Traveler articles
http://www.concierge.com/cntraveler/articles/501931
ASIA AND THE PACIFIC
It's likely you won't find more diversity of political systems and social mores—to say nothing of complex colonial histories—than on the largest continent. Here you'll encounter rigid cultural rules in thriving democracies (like Japan) and no-go conversational zones mandated by law (China). The prevalence of the concept of "face" in East Asian cultures also means that arguments have the potential to threaten the very foundation of a relationship.
AUSTRALIA/NEW ZEALAND
Absolutely verboten: Indigenous rights, this being a country that shares our sordid history as a colonizer (only it's a more fraught topic Down Under).
Radioactive: Don't bring up the settled-by-convicts thing. "It's old, not appreciated, and not entirely accurate," says Donna Thomas of New Zealand Travel.
Definitely not: Gay rights: Australia's closer to the United States than Europe on these issues, with a variety of opinions, and there is a federal ban against same-sex marriage.
Not a good idea: Don't inquire too deeply into personal wealth or money matters—on this, Australians can be surprisingly reserved.
Ill-advised: Confusing New Zealand with Australia. The differences are important to both, especially to Kiwis.
Talk away! Australian football; and the casual openness of its people.
CHINA
Absolutely verboten: The "three T's"—Tibet, Taiwan, and Tiananmen Square. These are rarely discussed and would be hard to bring up without sounding presumptuous about "internal" matters.
Radioactive: Relations between China and Japan. Never compare them; in fact, avoid saying anything too positive about Japan.
Definitely not: "How many children do you have?" With the one-child policy, the answer is either obvious or best kept on the down-low.
Not a good idea: Religious freedom or human rights, whether they apply to the Falun Gong or the Uighurs.
Ill-advised: The Cultural Revolution. The Chinese do discuss the period, but it's best to avoid asking someone what he or she was doing at the time; people could easily have been on either side of the campaign. Talk away! The success of the Olympics and the speed of development.
INDIA
Absolutely verboten: Pakistan's status versus that of India (aside from the border dispute, there is competition for aid and favor from the West—a balance of power that shifted after 9/11).
Radioactive: Ethnic riots and the partitions of the past. India jealously guards its status as a multiethnic democracy.
Definitely not: Inquiring whether a marriage was arranged—or simply assuming it was. There are gradations of how "arranged" a marriage is, and you might miss the subtleties.
Not a good idea: Joking about call centers or any of the results of outsourcing.
Ill-advised: Class hierarchies, economic inequality, or the caste system. Even innocently asking to help out a servant in the kitchen can lead to tension.
Talk away! Openness and diversity; the growing economy; and the fact that India is "the world's largest democracy."
JAPAN
Absolutely verboten: World War II and Japan's role in it, particularly the way it treated its neighbors.
Radioactive: Hiroshima and Nagasaki, a source not just of trauma but of shame. Many still hide the effects of radiation, and, even in those cities, the bomb is almost never discussed.
Definitely not: Treatment of certain outcast groups and minorities—and Japan's general lack of interest in accepting immigrants.
Not a good idea: Discussing religion in any great detail. Many Japanese practice Buddhism and/or Shinto, but they rarely talk about it, even with their families.
Ill-advised: Remarking on the fact that women seem to be serving men in so many situations. It's deeply ingrained, and you'll only cause a loss of face.
Talk away! All the ultramodern designs and conveniences; and the overall health of the people.
SOUTH KOREA
Absolutely verboten: The Korean War and World War II—there is very little hand-wringing or discussion of past (or even present) political strife.
Radioactive: Don't fixate on the similarities among the Chinese, Japanese, and Koreans. It violates not only political taboos (especially Japan's treatment of Korea during World War II) but the Korean notion of ethnic and cultural uniqueness.
Definitely not: Maligning the government. There's limited freedom of the press and not much of a tradition of political criticism.
Not a good idea: Asking where someone went to college. It happens to be an accurate (too accurate) indicator of social class.
Ill-advised: Assuming familiarity with someone who's older than you (by using his or her first name, for instance).
Talk away! Before getting down to business, it's not only polite but mandatory to inquire about someone's age, marital status, and number of children.
VIETNAM
Absolutely verboten: Bad-mouthing Ho Chi Minh: Even in the south, the Communist liberator is widely admired.
Radioactive: Saying the Vietnam War didn't go far enough, or that it was "lost." There is by no means even a private consensus that the country would have been better off had the United States won.
Definitely not: Comparing the Vietnamese, favorably or otherwise, to their counterparts among refugee communities stateside. Their worldviews are often vastly different.
Not a good idea: Asking about prostitution in Southeast Asia. There is much, much less here than in Thailand—something they'd very much like tourists to know.
Ill-advised: Asking too many personal questions. According to travel specialist Sandy Ferguson of Asia Desk, the Vietnamese a``` re relatively reticent compared with others on the peninsula.
Talk away! Vietnam's hard-fought independence and its (relatively) successful modernization since the seventies.
THAILAND
Absolutely verboten: Disparaging comments about the royal family—or even probing questions, like those of succession.
Radioactive: The recent coup against its not-very-popular elected leader. The situation is still tense and unstable, and thus politics are best avoided.
Definitely not: Prostitution as a local problem. Thais will discuss it but generally blame it on Western sex tourists.
Not a good idea: There is a significant Indian minority that arrived decades ago as guest workers, whom some "native" Thais tend to dismiss (Arab visitors are also a touchy subject).
Ill-advised: Buddhism is taken very seriously in Thailand. Do not disparage or make light of it—or purport to know all about it because you read a book or two.
Talk away! It's best to emphasize Thailand's relatively prosperous and democratic position in the region, despite recent setbacks.
MY THOUGHTS
it's getting apparent. the rule of thumbis to talk about things they are proud of.taboo subjects are topics that will demonstrate weakness or some thing that has brought shame.
by Boris Kachka | Published November 2009 | See more Condé Nast Traveler articles
http://www.concierge.com/cntraveler/articles/501931
ASIA AND THE PACIFIC
It's likely you won't find more diversity of political systems and social mores—to say nothing of complex colonial histories—than on the largest continent. Here you'll encounter rigid cultural rules in thriving democracies (like Japan) and no-go conversational zones mandated by law (China). The prevalence of the concept of "face" in East Asian cultures also means that arguments have the potential to threaten the very foundation of a relationship.
AUSTRALIA/NEW ZEALAND
Absolutely verboten: Indigenous rights, this being a country that shares our sordid history as a colonizer (only it's a more fraught topic Down Under).
Radioactive: Don't bring up the settled-by-convicts thing. "It's old, not appreciated, and not entirely accurate," says Donna Thomas of New Zealand Travel.
Definitely not: Gay rights: Australia's closer to the United States than Europe on these issues, with a variety of opinions, and there is a federal ban against same-sex marriage.
Not a good idea: Don't inquire too deeply into personal wealth or money matters—on this, Australians can be surprisingly reserved.
Ill-advised: Confusing New Zealand with Australia. The differences are important to both, especially to Kiwis.
Talk away! Australian football; and the casual openness of its people.
CHINA
Absolutely verboten: The "three T's"—Tibet, Taiwan, and Tiananmen Square. These are rarely discussed and would be hard to bring up without sounding presumptuous about "internal" matters.
Radioactive: Relations between China and Japan. Never compare them; in fact, avoid saying anything too positive about Japan.
Definitely not: "How many children do you have?" With the one-child policy, the answer is either obvious or best kept on the down-low.
Not a good idea: Religious freedom or human rights, whether they apply to the Falun Gong or the Uighurs.
Ill-advised: The Cultural Revolution. The Chinese do discuss the period, but it's best to avoid asking someone what he or she was doing at the time; people could easily have been on either side of the campaign. Talk away! The success of the Olympics and the speed of development.
INDIA
Absolutely verboten: Pakistan's status versus that of India (aside from the border dispute, there is competition for aid and favor from the West—a balance of power that shifted after 9/11).
Radioactive: Ethnic riots and the partitions of the past. India jealously guards its status as a multiethnic democracy.
Definitely not: Inquiring whether a marriage was arranged—or simply assuming it was. There are gradations of how "arranged" a marriage is, and you might miss the subtleties.
Not a good idea: Joking about call centers or any of the results of outsourcing.
Ill-advised: Class hierarchies, economic inequality, or the caste system. Even innocently asking to help out a servant in the kitchen can lead to tension.
Talk away! Openness and diversity; the growing economy; and the fact that India is "the world's largest democracy."
JAPAN
Absolutely verboten: World War II and Japan's role in it, particularly the way it treated its neighbors.
Radioactive: Hiroshima and Nagasaki, a source not just of trauma but of shame. Many still hide the effects of radiation, and, even in those cities, the bomb is almost never discussed.
Definitely not: Treatment of certain outcast groups and minorities—and Japan's general lack of interest in accepting immigrants.
Not a good idea: Discussing religion in any great detail. Many Japanese practice Buddhism and/or Shinto, but they rarely talk about it, even with their families.
Ill-advised: Remarking on the fact that women seem to be serving men in so many situations. It's deeply ingrained, and you'll only cause a loss of face.
Talk away! All the ultramodern designs and conveniences; and the overall health of the people.
SOUTH KOREA
Absolutely verboten: The Korean War and World War II—there is very little hand-wringing or discussion of past (or even present) political strife.
Radioactive: Don't fixate on the similarities among the Chinese, Japanese, and Koreans. It violates not only political taboos (especially Japan's treatment of Korea during World War II) but the Korean notion of ethnic and cultural uniqueness.
Definitely not: Maligning the government. There's limited freedom of the press and not much of a tradition of political criticism.
Not a good idea: Asking where someone went to college. It happens to be an accurate (too accurate) indicator of social class.
Ill-advised: Assuming familiarity with someone who's older than you (by using his or her first name, for instance).
Talk away! Before getting down to business, it's not only polite but mandatory to inquire about someone's age, marital status, and number of children.
VIETNAM
Absolutely verboten: Bad-mouthing Ho Chi Minh: Even in the south, the Communist liberator is widely admired.
Radioactive: Saying the Vietnam War didn't go far enough, or that it was "lost." There is by no means even a private consensus that the country would have been better off had the United States won.
Definitely not: Comparing the Vietnamese, favorably or otherwise, to their counterparts among refugee communities stateside. Their worldviews are often vastly different.
Not a good idea: Asking about prostitution in Southeast Asia. There is much, much less here than in Thailand—something they'd very much like tourists to know.
Ill-advised: Asking too many personal questions. According to travel specialist Sandy Ferguson of Asia Desk, the Vietnamese a``` re relatively reticent compared with others on the peninsula.
Talk away! Vietnam's hard-fought independence and its (relatively) successful modernization since the seventies.
THAILAND
Absolutely verboten: Disparaging comments about the royal family—or even probing questions, like those of succession.
Radioactive: The recent coup against its not-very-popular elected leader. The situation is still tense and unstable, and thus politics are best avoided.
Definitely not: Prostitution as a local problem. Thais will discuss it but generally blame it on Western sex tourists.
Not a good idea: There is a significant Indian minority that arrived decades ago as guest workers, whom some "native" Thais tend to dismiss (Arab visitors are also a touchy subject).
Ill-advised: Buddhism is taken very seriously in Thailand. Do not disparage or make light of it—or purport to know all about it because you read a book or two.
Talk away! It's best to emphasize Thailand's relatively prosperous and democratic position in the region, despite recent setbacks.
MY THOUGHTS
it's getting apparent. the rule of thumbis to talk about things they are proud of.taboo subjects are topics that will demonstrate weakness or some thing that has brought shame.
Etiquette 101: What NOT to say in the Americas
Etiquette 101: Smart Talk
by Boris Kachka | Published November 2009 | See more Condé Nast Traveler articles
http://www.concierge.com/cntraveler/articles/501931
THE AMERICAS
Several quirks of geography and economic development have shaped this hemisphere's sensitive areas (we shouldn't say "taboos"; compared with much of the world, it's a pretty easygoing place). Catholicism is more deeply rooted in some countries than in others, and very liberal nations (Brazil) coexist with others that consider themselves the peak of propriety (Chile). And then, of course, there is Latin America's proximity to the United States and the desire to demonstrate equal standing. Finally, in the case of Canada, there's the desire to prove itself a bit apart from the noisy neighbor who insists on dominating so much of the conversation.
ARGENGTINA
Absolutely verboten: The Dirty War and the "disappeared" of the 1970s, definitely still a deep trauma in the nation's psyche, are not to be referenced casually. Radioactive: The Peróns, whose legacy is much debated. You never know how an Argentine will feel about them.
Definitely not: The Falklands War may seem like an amusing '80s footnote, even to Brits—but certainly not to the nation that lost.
Not a good idea: The economic crises of the past several years, for which many hold the International Monetary Fund and American policies responsible.
Ill-advised: Lumping Argentina in with all of Latin America (many Argentines believe that they stand apart from the rest of the continent).
Talk away! Argentina as unique within the continent; its prosperous past (if not present). And most middle-class people have therapists and love to talk about them.
CANADA
Absolutely verboten: Impugning Canada's national health-care system. Canadians are fiercely proud of it. In a television contest, viewers voted the founder of the system the greatest Canadian hero.
Radioactive: Remarking how similar Canada is to the United States can be tantamount to calling it the fifty-first state.
Definitely not: Any reliance on a few stereotypes (e.g., making fun of how they say, "Eh?") may unearth the sarcasm beneath their (stereotypical) politeness.
Not a good idea: Be careful in discussing Toronto and how wonderful it is; many regional Canadians, especially out west, don't like it.
Ill-advised: Don't mistake politeness for the casual oversharing so common in the United States. Canadians, like Europeans, will bristle if you get too personal too fast.
Talk away! Hockey—they really do love it as much as we think they do. The runner-up in the Canadian-hero contest was a hockey coach turned sportscaster.
BRAZIL
Absolutely verboten: Dwelling on money, whether fussing over how to split the check ("People will think you're greedy," says Brazilian-American Paulo Padilha) or asking what someone does for a living.
Radioactive: Bringing up the level of violence or constantly asking if it's safe to go out. There surely are many problems, but it's not something to harp on.
Definitely not: Padilha cites the rule, "No politics or football at the dinner table." As a foreigner, you can bring up soccer—politics, not so much.
Not a good idea: Making light of Catholicism: Brazil may be a fairly liberal country, but even an urban sophisticate may be a deeply devout Catholic—no Vatican jokes, please.
Ill-advised: Commenting crudely on women, which can get you into hot water as a gringo.
Talk away! Music is universally beloved, so praising Brazilian song, or even asking if your acquaintance can recommend an artist, is always a good idea.
CHILE
Absolutely verboten: The dictatorships of either Augusto Pinochet (on the right) or Salvador Allende (on the left), about whom opinions are passionate and vary widely.
Radioactive: How great a time you had in Argentina. Chileans can be a bit touchy about their internationally acclaimed neighbor to the east Definitely not: And their other neighbors—Peru and Bolivia—with whom they had territorial clashes in the nineteenth century.
Not a good idea: Sex or toilet humor, without prompting—despite its modern gloss, Chile is one of the more conservative countries in Latin America.
Ill-advised: Pisco as a Peruvian drink. Though it really is, the Chileans consider the liqueur to be a source of native pride.
Talk away! Chile's rolling hills; its wineries; and the cleanliness and modernity of Santiago.
MEXICO
Absolutely verboten: Crime and corruption: It's sure to be a topic of discussion, but it's not something you should bring up in a cavalier way.
Radioactive: As in Spain, bullfighting is a matter of cultural pride, so stumping for animal rights may not win you many friends.
Definitely not: Immigration is a fact of life, but the United States' wonderpolicy on illegals is a sore point—and sometimes a humiliating one.
Not a good idea: Mexico is still a strongly Catholic country, which means religious and social questions are best approached delicately, particularly in rural areas.
Ill-advised: In general, getting down to business before coffee, even during a quick business lunch, is considered rude.
Talk away! Always talk about marriage or family. Knowledge of Mexico's cultural heritage and food (not Tex-Mex) will go a long way, as will familiarity with such family rites as the quinceañera.
MY THOUGHTS
some cultures can really be sensitive. i wonder if we appear the sameto others?
by Boris Kachka | Published November 2009 | See more Condé Nast Traveler articles
http://www.concierge.com/cntraveler/articles/501931
THE AMERICAS
Several quirks of geography and economic development have shaped this hemisphere's sensitive areas (we shouldn't say "taboos"; compared with much of the world, it's a pretty easygoing place). Catholicism is more deeply rooted in some countries than in others, and very liberal nations (Brazil) coexist with others that consider themselves the peak of propriety (Chile). And then, of course, there is Latin America's proximity to the United States and the desire to demonstrate equal standing. Finally, in the case of Canada, there's the desire to prove itself a bit apart from the noisy neighbor who insists on dominating so much of the conversation.
ARGENGTINA
Absolutely verboten: The Dirty War and the "disappeared" of the 1970s, definitely still a deep trauma in the nation's psyche, are not to be referenced casually. Radioactive: The Peróns, whose legacy is much debated. You never know how an Argentine will feel about them.
Definitely not: The Falklands War may seem like an amusing '80s footnote, even to Brits—but certainly not to the nation that lost.
Not a good idea: The economic crises of the past several years, for which many hold the International Monetary Fund and American policies responsible.
Ill-advised: Lumping Argentina in with all of Latin America (many Argentines believe that they stand apart from the rest of the continent).
Talk away! Argentina as unique within the continent; its prosperous past (if not present). And most middle-class people have therapists and love to talk about them.
CANADA
Absolutely verboten: Impugning Canada's national health-care system. Canadians are fiercely proud of it. In a television contest, viewers voted the founder of the system the greatest Canadian hero.
Radioactive: Remarking how similar Canada is to the United States can be tantamount to calling it the fifty-first state.
Definitely not: Any reliance on a few stereotypes (e.g., making fun of how they say, "Eh?") may unearth the sarcasm beneath their (stereotypical) politeness.
Not a good idea: Be careful in discussing Toronto and how wonderful it is; many regional Canadians, especially out west, don't like it.
Ill-advised: Don't mistake politeness for the casual oversharing so common in the United States. Canadians, like Europeans, will bristle if you get too personal too fast.
Talk away! Hockey—they really do love it as much as we think they do. The runner-up in the Canadian-hero contest was a hockey coach turned sportscaster.
BRAZIL
Absolutely verboten: Dwelling on money, whether fussing over how to split the check ("People will think you're greedy," says Brazilian-American Paulo Padilha) or asking what someone does for a living.
Radioactive: Bringing up the level of violence or constantly asking if it's safe to go out. There surely are many problems, but it's not something to harp on.
Definitely not: Padilha cites the rule, "No politics or football at the dinner table." As a foreigner, you can bring up soccer—politics, not so much.
Not a good idea: Making light of Catholicism: Brazil may be a fairly liberal country, but even an urban sophisticate may be a deeply devout Catholic—no Vatican jokes, please.
Ill-advised: Commenting crudely on women, which can get you into hot water as a gringo.
Talk away! Music is universally beloved, so praising Brazilian song, or even asking if your acquaintance can recommend an artist, is always a good idea.
CHILE
Absolutely verboten: The dictatorships of either Augusto Pinochet (on the right) or Salvador Allende (on the left), about whom opinions are passionate and vary widely.
Radioactive: How great a time you had in Argentina. Chileans can be a bit touchy about their internationally acclaimed neighbor to the east Definitely not: And their other neighbors—Peru and Bolivia—with whom they had territorial clashes in the nineteenth century.
Not a good idea: Sex or toilet humor, without prompting—despite its modern gloss, Chile is one of the more conservative countries in Latin America.
Ill-advised: Pisco as a Peruvian drink. Though it really is, the Chileans consider the liqueur to be a source of native pride.
Talk away! Chile's rolling hills; its wineries; and the cleanliness and modernity of Santiago.
MEXICO
Absolutely verboten: Crime and corruption: It's sure to be a topic of discussion, but it's not something you should bring up in a cavalier way.
Radioactive: As in Spain, bullfighting is a matter of cultural pride, so stumping for animal rights may not win you many friends.
Definitely not: Immigration is a fact of life, but the United States' wonderpolicy on illegals is a sore point—and sometimes a humiliating one.
Not a good idea: Mexico is still a strongly Catholic country, which means religious and social questions are best approached delicately, particularly in rural areas.
Ill-advised: In general, getting down to business before coffee, even during a quick business lunch, is considered rude.
Talk away! Always talk about marriage or family. Knowledge of Mexico's cultural heritage and food (not Tex-Mex) will go a long way, as will familiarity with such family rites as the quinceañera.
MY THOUGHTS
some cultures can really be sensitive. i wonder if we appear the sameto others?
Saturday, October 30, 2010
etiquette 101: getting along in a muslim world
Etiquette 101: Smart Talk
by Boris Kachka | Published November 2009 | See more Condé Nast Traveler articles
http://www.concierge.com/cntraveler/articles/501931
Getting Along in the Muslim World
No matter what brings you to the Middle East, navigating the religious and political taboos requires following a unique set of rules that apply more or less across the region
ISLAM There are ways to discuss the religion while in no way implying that it's fallible. Lindsay and Wes Heinlein, who served in Jordan with the Peace Corps and have traveled throughout the Middle East, developed their own way of discussing the issue. "Although Islam is not an actively proselytizing religion, concerned folks will want to know you're going to the same heaven as they are, just as in America," says Lindsay. "Agree that Christianity, Judaism, and Islam are all religions of the book,' and then change the subject."
ISRAEL It's too easy to get wrapped up in defending against the various conspiracy theories that abound about the country. If confronted with one, try to change the subject (family is a favorite) and perhaps move toward an agreement that the governments are at fault. Many Middle Easterners will happily agree that Jews per se are not to blame. But all in all, it's a sticky subject.
FOR MEN Verbally praising another man's wife or daughter—especially complimenting her appearance—is inadvisable. Wes remembers playing football with a Jordanian at a center for the disabled; sometimes they would play not for prizes but for "honor," and Wes once said, "Let's play for your sister's honor." The man would not talk to him for months.
FOR WOMEN Mentioning relationships outside of marriage may not earn you public reprimands, but it will often result in a lack of respect. Some Western women even refer to "fiancés" back home and call male friends "brothers" in order to fend off prying questions
DRINKING It's often done on the sly, and mostly by men. For women, discussing drinking is inadvisable. "In tourist areas, it's fine for women to drink in public," says Lindsay, "just not to talk about it the next day, as in, I got so bombed!'
COMPLIMENTS Sometimes complimenting someone's belongings will result in being offered those objects as gifts. It's such an ingrained tradition that locals have even jokingly offered their children to the Heinleins. This also means that a compliment directed toward your own possessions may come with a similar expectation.
PORK In predominantly Muslim countries, even non-Muslims do not eat pork. It is considered unclean, and no amount of persuasion will change anyone's mind—so it isn't really worth bringing up the subject. You won't find any pork regardless of what you say.
MY THOUGHTS
very helpful, indeed. you don't want to offend anyone. especially if you're alone in their country.
by Boris Kachka | Published November 2009 | See more Condé Nast Traveler articles
http://www.concierge.com/cntraveler/articles/501931
Getting Along in the Muslim World
No matter what brings you to the Middle East, navigating the religious and political taboos requires following a unique set of rules that apply more or less across the region
ISLAM There are ways to discuss the religion while in no way implying that it's fallible. Lindsay and Wes Heinlein, who served in Jordan with the Peace Corps and have traveled throughout the Middle East, developed their own way of discussing the issue. "Although Islam is not an actively proselytizing religion, concerned folks will want to know you're going to the same heaven as they are, just as in America," says Lindsay. "Agree that Christianity, Judaism, and Islam are all religions of the book,' and then change the subject."
ISRAEL It's too easy to get wrapped up in defending against the various conspiracy theories that abound about the country. If confronted with one, try to change the subject (family is a favorite) and perhaps move toward an agreement that the governments are at fault. Many Middle Easterners will happily agree that Jews per se are not to blame. But all in all, it's a sticky subject.
FOR MEN Verbally praising another man's wife or daughter—especially complimenting her appearance—is inadvisable. Wes remembers playing football with a Jordanian at a center for the disabled; sometimes they would play not for prizes but for "honor," and Wes once said, "Let's play for your sister's honor." The man would not talk to him for months.
FOR WOMEN Mentioning relationships outside of marriage may not earn you public reprimands, but it will often result in a lack of respect. Some Western women even refer to "fiancés" back home and call male friends "brothers" in order to fend off prying questions
DRINKING It's often done on the sly, and mostly by men. For women, discussing drinking is inadvisable. "In tourist areas, it's fine for women to drink in public," says Lindsay, "just not to talk about it the next day, as in, I got so bombed!'
COMPLIMENTS Sometimes complimenting someone's belongings will result in being offered those objects as gifts. It's such an ingrained tradition that locals have even jokingly offered their children to the Heinleins. This also means that a compliment directed toward your own possessions may come with a similar expectation.
PORK In predominantly Muslim countries, even non-Muslims do not eat pork. It is considered unclean, and no amount of persuasion will change anyone's mind—so it isn't really worth bringing up the subject. You won't find any pork regardless of what you say.
MY THOUGHTS
very helpful, indeed. you don't want to offend anyone. especially if you're alone in their country.
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