Etiquette 101: What NOT to say in the Americas

Etiquette 101: Smart Talk
by Boris Kachka | Published November 2009 | See more Condé Nast Traveler articles
http://www.concierge.com/cntraveler/articles/501931

THE AMERICAS
Several quirks of geography and economic development have shaped this hemisphere's sensitive areas (we shouldn't say "taboos"; compared with much of the world, it's a pretty easygoing place). Catholicism is more deeply rooted in some countries than in others, and very liberal nations (Brazil) coexist with others that consider themselves the peak of propriety (Chile). And then, of course, there is Latin America's proximity to the United States and the desire to demonstrate equal standing. Finally, in the case of Canada, there's the desire to prove itself a bit apart from the noisy neighbor who insists on dominating so much of the conversation.

ARGENGTINA
Absolutely verboten: The Dirty War and the "disappeared" of the 1970s, definitely still a deep trauma in the nation's psyche, are not to be referenced casually. Radioactive: The Peróns, whose legacy is much debated. You never know how an Argentine will feel about them.
Definitely not: The Falklands War may seem like an amusing '80s footnote, even to Brits—but certainly not to the nation that lost.
Not a good idea: The economic crises of the past several years, for which many hold the International Monetary Fund and American policies responsible.
Ill-advised: Lumping Argentina in with all of Latin America (many Argentines believe that they stand apart from the rest of the continent).
Talk away! Argen­tina as unique within the continent; its prosperous past (if not present). And most middle-class people have therapists and love to talk about them.

CANADA
Absolutely verboten: Impugning Canada's national health-care system. Canadians are fiercely proud of it. In a television contest, viewers voted the founder of the system the greatest Canadian hero.
Radioactive: Remarking how similar Canada is to the United States can be tantamount to calling it the fifty-first state.
Definitely not: Any reliance on a few stereotypes (e.g., making fun of how they say, "Eh?") may unearth the sarcasm beneath their (stereotypical) politeness.
Not a good idea: Be careful in discussing Toronto and how wonderful it is; many regional Canadians, especially out west, don't like it.
Ill-advised: Don't mistake politeness for the casual oversharing so common in the United States. Canadians, like Europeans, will bristle if you get too personal too fast.
Talk away! Hockey—they really do love it as much as we think they do. The runner-up in the Canadian-hero contest was a hockey coach turned sportscaster.

BRAZIL
Absolutely verboten: Dwelling on money, whether fussing over how to split the check ("People will think you're greedy," says Brazilian-American Paulo Padilha) or asking what someone does for a living.
Radioactive: Bringing up the level of violence or constantly asking if it's safe to go out. There surely are many problems, but it's not something to harp on.
Definitely not: Padilha cites the rule, "No politics or football at the dinner table." As a foreigner, you can bring up soccer—politics, not so much.
Not a good idea: Making light of Catholicism: Brazil may be a fairly liberal country, but even an urban sophisticate may be a deeply devout Catholic—no Vatican jokes, please.
Ill-advised: Commenting crudely on women, which can get you into hot water as a gringo.
Talk away! Music is universally beloved, so praising Brazilian song, or even asking if your acquaintance can recommend an artist, is always a good idea.

CHILE
Absolutely verboten: The dictatorships of either Augusto Pinochet (on the right) or Salvador Allende (on the left), about whom opinions are passionate and vary widely.
Radioactive: How great a time you had in Argentina. Chileans can be a bit touchy about their internationally acclaimed neighbor to the east Definitely not: And their other neighbors—Peru and Bolivia—with whom they had territorial clashes in the nineteenth century.
Not a good idea: Sex or toilet humor, without prompting—despite its modern gloss, Chile is one of the more conservative countries in Latin America.
Ill-advised: Pisco as a Peruvian drink. Though it really is, the Chileans consider the liqueur to be a source of native pride.
Talk away! Chile's rolling hills; its wineries; and the cleanliness and modernity of Santiago.

MEXICO
Absolutely verboten: Crime and corruption: It's sure to be a topic of discussion, but it's not something you should bring up in a cavalier way.
Radioactive: As in Spain, bullfighting is a matter of cultural pride, so stumping for animal rights may not win you many friends.
Definitely not: Immigration is a fact of life, but the United States'  wonderpolicy on illegals is a sore point—and sometimes a humiliating one.
Not a good idea: Mexico is still a strongly Catholic country, which means religious and social questions are best approached delicately, particularly in rural areas.
Ill-advised: In general, getting down to business before coffee, even during a quick business lunch, is considered rude.
Talk away! Always talk about marriage or family. Knowledge of Mexico's cultural heritage and food (not Tex-Mex) will go a long way, as will familiarity with such family rites as the quinceañera.

MY THOUGHTS
some cultures can really be sensitive.  i wonder if we appear the sameto others?

etiquette 101: getting along in a muslim world

Etiquette 101: Smart Talk
by Boris Kachka | Published November 2009 | See more Condé Nast Traveler articles
http://www.concierge.com/cntraveler/articles/501931

Getting Along in the Muslim World
No matter what brings you to the Middle East, navigating the religious and political taboos requires following a unique set of rules that apply more or less across the region

ISLAM There are ways to discuss the religion while in no way implying that it's fallible. Lindsay and Wes Heinlein, who served in Jordan with the Peace Corps and have traveled throughout the Middle East, developed their own way of discussing the issue. "Although Islam is not an actively proselytizing religion, concerned folks will want to know you're going to the same heaven as they are, just as in America," says Lindsay. "Agree that Christianity, Judaism, and Islam are all religions of the book,' and then change the subject."

ISRAEL It's too easy to get wrapped up in defending against the various conspiracy theories that abound about the country. If confronted with one, try to change the subject (family is a favorite) and perhaps move toward an agreement that the governments are at fault. Many Middle Easterners will happily agree that Jews per se are not to blame. But all in all, it's a sticky subject.

FOR MEN Verbally praising another man's wife or daughter—especially complimenting her appearance—is inadvisable. Wes remembers playing football with a Jordanian at a center for the disabled; sometimes they would play not for prizes but for "honor," and Wes once said, "Let's play for your sister's honor." The man would not talk to him for months.

FOR WOMEN Mentioning relationships outside of marriage may not earn you public reprimands, but it will often result in a lack of respect. Some Western women even refer to "fiancés" back home and call male friends "brothers" in order to fend off prying questions

DRINKING It's often done on the sly, and mostly by men. For women, discussing drinking is inadvisable. "In tourist areas, it's fine for women to drink in public," says Lindsay, "just not to talk about it the next day, as in, I got so bombed!'

COMPLIMENTS Sometimes complimenting someone's belongings will result in being offered those objects as gifts. It's such an ingrained tradition that locals have even jokingly offered their children to the Heinleins. This also means that a compliment directed toward your own possessions may come with a similar expectation.

PORK In predominantly Muslim countries, even non-Muslims do not eat pork. It is considered unclean, and no amount of persuasion will change anyone's mind—so it isn't really worth bringing up the subject. You won't find any pork regardless of what you say.

MY THOUGHTS
very helpful, indeed.  you don't want to offend anyone.  especially if you're alone in their country.

what NOT to talk about when in the Middle East

Etiquette 101: Smart Talk (in the Middle East
by Boris Kachka | Published November 2009 | See more Condé Nast Traveler articles
http://www.concierge.com/cntraveler/articles/501931

First Do No Harm...Every country has its subtle taboos and unspoken codes, but when you get down to it, it's what you say, not how you say it, that really gets you in the door (or kicked out). Our guide to the most dangerous topics around the world rates them according to our own alert system, from highest to lowest risk, followed by a few safe subjects that might put you back on solid ground.

THE MIDDLE EAST
In a part of the world where nearly every facet of life has become wrapped up in politics and religion, keeping things personal and avoiding the global is more than just a way of being polite: For both tourists and residents, it can be a coping strategy. Even naive attempts to find common ground ("You have Christians too!") can easily backfire. Not that residents from Morocco to Israel to Jordan don't love a good debate, but it might be a life-and-death argument in which the opposing sides can't even agree on common premises. Entering with an open mind and a do-no-harm approach is essential, and in many cases a focus on the simple things (friends, food, family) can create an oasis of peaceful coexistence.

EGYPT
Absolutely verboten: Anything having to do with the position of Jews in the world; you may hear conspiracy theories.
Radioactive: The lack of democracy in the country; the prevalence of corruption; and the threat of religious resistance.
Definitely not: Suggesting peace with Israel as a way to build bridges might lead to a backlash; the truce is much less popular with the populace than it is with the government.
Not a good idea: Terrorism and its impact on stability and tourism.
Ill-advised: It's best to avoid bringing up the Coptic Christians—an underclass here—even in terms of trying to find common ground.
Talk away! The country's cultural relics and historical importance—or simply steer the conversation back to business.

ISRAEL
Absolutely verboten: Israelis certainly discuss the Palestinian "situation," but a certain exhaustion has set in. Starting out with accusations of ill treatment will not get you very far. Discussing it even with Palestinians might lead to weary responses.
Radioactive: Referring to the security fence under construction as "the wall" would be considered a loaded statement.
Definitely not: Any mention of racial divisions—not just between Israelis and Palestinians but also between European and Middle Eastern Jews—should be approached carefully, if at all.
Not a good idea: The assumption that Israelis are religious, or questions about levels of belief. There is a great deal of diversity of religious commitment as well as some conflict between religious and secular Israelis.
Ill-advised: Asking exactly how someone served in the army (foot soldiers versus Intelligence Corps) might bring up class issues.
Talk away! Israel as a thriving democracy; the quality and freshness of the food.

MOROCCO
Absolutely verboten: Any criticism of the king or inquiries into the royal family.
Radioactive: Homosexuality—many Moroccans will assert that it doesn't exist here.
Definitely not: The fraught history of the Jews who used to live here, which challenges the notion of Morocco as a tolerant place.
Not a good idea: Comparing the status of women in Morocco with Western women, or even questions such as, "Why is your wife not coming along?"
Ill-advised: The Israeli-Palestinian conflict—not a great subject, but less charged than in other Middle Eastern states.
Talk away! The fine cuisine; and the peaceful and tolerant atmosphere.

JORDAN
Absolutely verboten: Honor killings, which have been in the news lately and are a source of shame for many Jordanians (and you may not want to engage the ones who approve).
Radioactive: Criticizing Islam—the subject is just as sacrosanct here as in Egypt or Saudi Arabia.
Definitely not: Saying anything negative about the kingdom—which is illegal anyway.
Not a good idea: The Palestinian situation, but especially the refugees in Jordan who don't have full citizenship or sovereignty (despite the fact that together with Iraqi refugees they outnumber Jordanians).
Ill-advised: The historic treatment of bedouins—although it's fine to document their many past achievements (slightly analogous to Native Americans in the United States).
Talk away! The country's relatively high level of development; and the queen's beauty and good works.

SOUTH AFRICA
Absolutely verboten: Modern-day racism—people like to think of themselves as having moved completely beyond the apartheid era.
Radioactive: The situation in Zimbabwe; and South Africa's lack of intervention against Robert Mugabe.
Definitely not: Former president Thabo Mbeki's controversial (and counterfactual) views on HIV and AIDS.
Not a good idea: Corruption charges against Jacob Zuma; and general political infighting.
Ill-advised: Criticisms of the government's performance in the post-apartheid era.
Talk away! Nelson Mandela; equal rights; and relative prosperity

MY THOUGHTS
just zip it.  i'd be too scared to open my mouth.  my lips are sealed.