Etiquette 101: What NOT to talk about in Asia and the Pacific

Etiquette 101: Smart Talk
by Boris Kachka | Published November 2009 | See more Condé Nast Traveler articles
http://www.concierge.com/cntraveler/articles/501931

ASIA AND THE PACIFIC
It's likely you won't find more diversity of political systems and social mores—to say nothing of complex colonial histories—than on the largest continent. Here you'll encounter rigid cultural rules in thriving democracies (like Japan) and no-go conversational zones mandated by law (China). The prevalence of the concept of "face" in East Asian cultures also means that arguments have the potential to threaten the very foundation of a relationship.

AUSTRALIA/NEW ZEALAND
Absolutely verboten: Indigenous rights, this being a country that shares our sordid history as a colonizer (only it's a more fraught topic Down Under).
Radioactive: Don't bring up the settled-by-convicts thing. "It's old, not appreciated, and not entirely accurate," says Donna Thomas of New Zealand Travel.
Definitely not: Gay rights: Australia's closer to the United States than Europe on these issues, with a variety of opinions, and there is a federal ban against same-sex marriage.
Not a good idea: Don't inquire too deeply into personal wealth or money matters—on this, Australians can be surprisingly reserved.
Ill-advised: Confusing New Zealand with Australia. The differences are important to both, especially to Kiwis.
Talk away! Australian football; and the casual openness of its people.

CHINA
Absolutely verboten: The "three T's"—Tibet, Taiwan, and Tiananmen Square. These are rarely discussed and would be hard to bring up without sounding presumptuous about "internal" matters.
Radioactive: Relations between China and Japan. Never compare them; in fact, avoid saying anything too positive about Japan.
Definitely not: "How many children do you have?" With the one-child policy, the answer is either obvious or best kept on the down-low.
Not a good idea: Religious freedom or human rights, whether they apply to the Falun Gong or the Uighurs.
Ill-advised: The Cultural Revolution. The Chinese do discuss the period, but it's best to avoid asking someone what he or she was doing at the time; people could easily have been on either side of the campaign. Talk away! The success of the Olympics and the speed of development.

INDIA
Absolutely verboten: Pakistan's status versus that of India (aside from the border dispute, there is competition for aid and favor from the West—a balance of power that shifted after 9/11).
Radioactive: Ethnic riots and the partitions of the past. India jealously guards its status as a multi­ethnic democracy.
Definitely not: Inquiring whether a marriage was arranged—or simply assuming it was. There are gradations of how "arranged" a marriage is, and you might miss the subtleties.
Not a good idea: Joking about call centers or any of the results of outsourcing.
Ill-advised: Class hierarchies, economic inequality, or the caste system. Even innocently asking to help out a servant in the kitchen can lead to tension.
Talk away! Openness and diversity; the growing economy; and the fact that India is "the world's largest democracy."

JAPAN
Absolutely verboten: World War II and Japan's role in it, particularly the way it treated its neighbors.
Radioactive: Hiroshima and Nagasaki, a source not just of trauma but of shame. Many still hide the effects of radiation, and, even in those cities, the bomb is almost never discussed.
Definitely not: Treatment of certain outcast groups and minorities—and Japan's general lack of interest in accepting immigrants.
Not a good idea: Discussing religion in any great detail. Many Japanese practice Buddhism and/or Shinto, but they rarely talk about it, even with their families.
Ill-advised: Remarking on the fact that women seem to be serving men in so many situations. It's deeply ingrained, and you'll only cause a loss of face.
Talk away! All the ultramodern designs and conveniences; and the overall health of the people.

SOUTH KOREA
Absolutely verboten: The Korean War and World War II—there is very little hand-wringing or discussion of past (or even present) political strife.
Radioactive: Don't fixate on the similarities among the Chinese, Japanese, and Koreans. It violates not only political taboos (especially Japan's treatment of Korea during World War II) but the Korean notion of ethnic and cultural uniqueness.
Definitely not: Maligning the government. There's limited freedom of the press and not much of a tradition of political criticism.
Not a good idea: Asking where someone went to college. It happens to be an accurate (too accurate) indicator of social class.
Ill-advised: Assuming familiarity with someone who's older than you (by using his or her first name, for instance).
Talk away! Before getting down to business, it's not only polite but mandatory to inquire about someone's age, marital status, and number of children.

VIETNAM
Absolutely verboten: Bad-mouthing Ho Chi Minh: Even in the south, the Communist liberator is widely admired.
Radioactive: Saying the Vietnam War didn't go far enough, or that it was "lost." There is by no means even a private consensus that the country would have been better off had the United States won.
Definitely not: Comparing the Vietnamese, favorably or otherwise, to their counterparts among refugee communities stateside. Their worldviews are often vastly different.
Not a good idea: Asking about prostitution in Southeast Asia. There is much, much less here than in Thailand—something they'd very much like tourists to know.
Ill-advised: Asking too many personal questions. According to travel specialist Sandy Ferguson of Asia Desk, the Vietnamese a``` re relatively reticent compared with others on the peninsula.
Talk away! Vietnam's hard-fought independence and its (relatively) successful modernization since the seventies.

THAILAND
Absolutely verboten: Disparaging comments about the royal family—or even probing questions, like those of succession.
Radioactive: The recent coup against its not-very-popular elected leader. The situation is still tense and unstable, and thus politics are best avoided.
Definitely not: Prostitution as a local problem. Thais will discuss it but generally blame it on Western sex tourists.
Not a good idea: There is a significant Indian minority that arrived decades ago as guest workers, whom some "native" Thais tend to dismiss (Arab visitors are also a touchy subject).
Ill-advised: Buddhism is taken very seriously in Thailand. Do not disparage or make light of it—or purport to know all about it because you read a book or two.
Talk away! It's best to emphasize Thailand's relatively prosperous and democratic position in the region, despite recent setbacks.

MY THOUGHTS
it's getting apparent.  the rule of thumbis to talk about things they are proud of.taboo subjects are topics that will demonstrate weakness or some thing that has brought shame.